Before

School-
School was almost out. Three p.m. as always. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, ear buds in, metal music playing quietly. I was staring at the door, counting down. Fifteen... ten... five... two... one... as soon as the bell rang, I was up with my hood flipped up, music on full blast, and messenger bag over my shoulder. I bolted from Mr. Ragland's computer applications class as fast as I could. I took the short cut outside to the buses. I took my usual seat, the third on the left side as I walk back. I hid there as usual, happy for the night's plans. What was happening that night was the only thing that was different about the day. At approximately three twenty I walked in my door.

Home-
At my house, I got a very quick shower, faster than usual. The dry Irish Spring soap, The Infusium, two in one shampoo and conditioner, and the back scrubber with the long wooden handle. Then I dart upstairs in my worn out towel to get my clothes. I pick my favorite black shirt, torn and worn blue jeans, red boxer-briefs, a wife beater, socks, and my favorite jacket. I suited up quickly and brushed my teeth. With that I grabbed my crappy but handy cell phone, my mp3 player, and my wallet. In the wallet was the forty dollars that made up the nights funds. I then went downstairs and sat on the ratty old couch, cranking up my music again. After three songs, about fifteen minutes, I got up and got my mum so we could drive up to the middle school. Though she said it wasn't time yet, I convinced her, I was anxious to be out of the house before something happened. After another song, we pulled into the parking lot. I hugged her and said I'd be good. Then I walked through the doors and into the gym, taking a seat high in the bleachers.

The Wait-
I sat in the bleachers for a while, staring at the ceiling, listening to music. As the next song came to an end, I shut off my mp3 player. As I did that, I took in my surroundings. There were roughly eighty people, all smaller than me. It was nice, being the big dog for once. I waited only a short time for my friends to show up. My best male friend, Brett. My “safety buddy” (the person that I was predecided to hang around with that night) Levi after him. Then my best female friend Kalee. After them, the rest of the people that were going came in, a few at a time. Lastly, the teachers showed up. Mr. Harlow walks up and I don't pay much attention. He says a quick greeting, congratulations, and gives us the rules that he did the year before. Then, Mrs. Barnes steps up.She, very swollen in her pregnancy, reiterates what Harlow said, then lays down her own rules. Stay with another student at all times, zone out... I paid no attention for a while. I look up just as she said, “and finally, have fun! Lets go!” Then Mr. Harlow dismisses the top rows first, I knew better. I went out walking with my friends. Then the guys split away from the group and we chose our spots on the bus, settling in for the long, loud trip.

The Trip-
I was just a little ways up from the back. We took off and the guys were loud and obnoxious as always. I was texting the girls on the girls bus at first, talking to Kalee through her friends phone, Ashly, and a few others. Eventually I figured I'd get a nap, just so I could stay up all night, we would be out late. So I gave Brett my phone so he could text his new girlfriend, the one that took Kalee's place just recently, Ashly. They were to have fun I'm sure. I used my awesome ability to sleep almost anywhere as I curled up. I woke up with about forty five minutes left. I spent the rest of the time listening to music and waving at strangers. The only real fun out of that was when a truck full of high school girls like no other drove up along side the bus, I was laughing as the other guys in the back tried to get her attention.
Finally, the trip was coming to an end, I saw our destination. Six Flags was right ahead. We then made the turn and parked, I was ready to get out and stretch. She stopped us, and told us to sit. We obeyed. Our teacher, whose name I never rightfully learned, handed our tickets to us. Then said, have fun. We all shuffled out of the bus. I then met up with my friends and we walked our way up to the ticket booth and metal detectors. We got in without a problem, of course. And we now were free to do as we please for five hours.

The Park-
we immediately began walking over to the kids section, after having walked through the entrance way and stores that line it. Over that direction was a kids driving ride, it was on a guide that it could not leave. Then just beyond that is a roller coaster, I despise them immensely. I cannot begin to describe how it makes me feel. So I sat at the exit, breaking the rules, talking to strangers. They showed up and we continued our walk Soon, it became dark. That is when the fun happens. We were in that particular park, in the particular month, when they do the fright fest theme. There are vampires running around, Demented clowns, Haunted hay rides, Haunted houses, and hundreds of teens. None of which scare me in the least, but some do get scared. There was a girl, red headed and obnoxious. I never did learn her name, I just know it started with a D. she latched on to me once. Refused to admit she wasn't scared though. Then, as her irksome personality began to wear on me, Levi and I decided to escape. We ran like hell once, twice, and three times, they caught us. There was no where to hide and I was reluctant to leave the group. Finally, on the fourth, we ran off and escaped. With that escape we resumed our exploration of the park, I rode two roller coasters. The two I like, “batman”, and “the boss”. Then we began to get hungry, I never ate after school and it was getting later. We stopped at a pizza place and picked up some buffalo wings, split them among us. Then we picked up some sour skittles. I distinctly remember the amazing taste of them. They cut your tongue after a while, but until then... they were orgasms in your mouth, a magical flavorgasm. We called them orgasms in your mouth for the rest of the night and offered them, under that name, to strangers. Soon after that, we found the girls again. Then after that, Levi ditched me. Before long, everyone disappeared except me and kalee. We went through one haunted house, not scary at all. Kalee jumped a little. It was actually rather warm so as we walked to the next,  I stripped down to my wife beater and tied my shirt and jacket to my waist. We paid and rode the haunted hay ride, they didn't have the flame thrower hooked up so it was not very interesting. But kalee, being herself, grabbed on to me tightly. This gave a feeling like no other, being there for someone, especially her. My best friend and the girl I have liked for a long, long, long time. And for once, my best male friend wasn't dating her. Right before the exit, the man with the chainsaw ran up and banged the trailer right behind her, she about killed me. Her hand went to the bad place, just barely clipping me but still, I had to sit still with every muscle tensed for a few seconds. Once I recovered, we locked together again, I don't think she noticed what she did. We stayed locked together until the very end as the woman said we could now exit the trailer. We went down to the other haunted house. Kalee still held my arm for a bit, I'm glad she couldn't see my face then because I was undoubtedly bright red.  We then went to the next haunted house. My mind was not on anything scary like that, I was sensing the opportunity at my feet and focused on that. We walked through and evidently it was scarier than the first. Kalee screamed multiple times, holding tight to my arm, head on my shoulder at one point. As we walked by one part, there was a TV with static playing and a statue of a woman crawling out onto the bed. However, it wasn't a statue. As we stepped close, she grabbed at kalee, stopping just before touching her. She screamed so loudly, I couldn't help but smile and held me with both hands, very close. The girl on the bed said something I may not ever forget. “you think your boyfriend can help you?!” and then she growled. I whispered to her, laughing, “that stupid bitch on the bed just called me your boyfriend.” for some reason we both found this funny, laughing for quite a while and still today when I say “that stupid bitch on the bed.” From that point on I was considering timing, making friendly conversation as usual, thinking about how I could do what I wanted to do. We decided to ride the train around the park. We went and got our tickets, and we took seats at the back of a middle car.with this, I sat across from her, not wanting to crowd her and screw up the moment, if there was one. To my surprise, someone took the smaller seat in the back, making her join me on the other. I was glad of course to have her close, I could hear breathing and it put me at peace a little. But I didn't do it. I didn't seize the opportunity, just because there was an irksome man in front of us, it wouldn't have bothered me usually but for some reason I was adverse to “asking her out” with him there. So we ride the train, we talk quietly to each other, then as we began to round a curve, I saw a huge burst of flame up into the sky, and another. We had to go on the hay ride again, I had decided I'd try to convince her. It didn't take much. We only had about a half hour left so I began jogging as we neared the booth. I paid for her ticket, I felt the need. And he told her to keep her money and she looked at me funny. I smiled and said lets go. We got on and sat against the back, my favorite spot. Linked up again by the arm. As we began the trip again, all of the sounds and the people stalking the trailer still made her grip my arm tighter. It was still a great feeling. As we went through, the two towers, a giant fireball shoots into the sky on both sides. You can feel the heat sitting in the trailer. She grabbed my arm, opposite her, and my leg and yanked me into a position in which I was holding her. As we drove away, she scooted back a little. I still had a hand on her knee, gently tracing patterns with my finger. Just to see, wondering about whether she would see that I could be what she wanted. Whether or not she would see how I conduct my business. What I should do. Then, we passed the barn. As we were driving away, a bigger explotion, three times the previous one, made all exposed skin hot. She gripped me again, very tight. Even more so as the chain saw man came out again, and the headless horseman, and the clowns, and everyone else involved. After the ride was over we began our walk back up front, at first headed toward the Scooby-Doo ride, just because it is fun. Then after seeing we had little time before we were supposed to report back up front, we left for the fountain. It was a quiet walk up. We joined Mrs. Barnes on the  fountain. Soon everyone else showed up. The front entrance to the park was now filled with hundreds of teens milling about. We began to walk about and meet up with other friends, I didn't talk to her again until it was time to go. Late because of a few stragglers. Then I joined everyone again as we walked to the buses, quiet still. Thinking about what I should do. As we climbed on the bus, I decided to pursue the idea that had been in my head all night. But first, how? I took my seat and thought further. They took roll call, and we left.

The Trip Back-
As I got on the bus, Brett was really going. He evidently had some fun flirting and playing around with Ashly. She had her hands in his pockets, back of course, and was nibbling his ear. He is evidently a biter, he liked it. And with that we began chatting for a bit. Then I settled down into my seat as people around be began passing out. I began texting, just wanting to talk to her at first. I texted her friend Becca, asking if I could chat with kalee. She said ok, to my surprise, without asking a thing. Maybe she had said something about me, I don't know. Later I found out she asked for every detail in the conversation. After a while chatting I figured id do it via text. As I began, shyly prodding the subject, I realized I cant do it through a text and I changed the topic of the conversation. About the whole thing about racking me, horrid choice, I know. But as that was what came up, I changed to that. Then she began prodding the subject. She knew that wasn't what I was going to say. “do you like me?” she asked. I said, yes at first, then I don't know. She prodded further, I don't know. We went on, she forced it out of me. I said yes, firm and definite. Then I replied with a question of my own, “if I were to ask you out, what would your answer be?” I got an all but yes after some questioning. I figured I'd do it as soon as I got off the bus. We began chatting, enjoying our time. I distinctly remember a ridiculous conversation based on onomatopoeias. Slurpsies specifically. Then, my phone was dying, dammit. Why did I give it to Brett. I said I had to go, I'd talk to her after we got off the buses, making my intention clear. I then went to sleep, I made a comment about a leash law as kids were talking about curfew, being very tired myself. Everyone around me laughs as I say it. The, before I know it, the teacher wakes us up and says to call our parents. we are almost there. I texted my dad, he said he would be waiting. Well crap, I thought. I texted kalee again, she still had Becca's phone. I'm going to do this quick and dirty, my dad is waiting for me. I asked her out at that moment. It was twelve fourteen in the morning, how I remember that I do not know. Of course the answer was yes. I was in a state of pure happiness until the bus stopped. I got off slowly, having been at the back. As I saw kalee in the crowd, she ran toward me, she doesn't like to run, and in one swift movement I swept her up in my arms and swung her around me, hugging her tight. It was an amazing moment. Then, with a smile and a short conversation, I went and got in the car with my dad. The trip home was filled with conversation. I told all that had happened on the trip, leaving out the parts that involved my falling in love.

The Weekend-
that weekend was lazy. At I couldn't sleep. I stayed up till about one thirty talking to my mum. I laid down about two, watching school of rock. I fell asleep shortly after that went off. That morning I woke up around ten, way earlier than I wanted. I went to the computer as I usually do and checked Deviant Art. I messaged my new girlfriend, quite proud that I could call her that. It was to be short lived unfortunately. We messaged on Deviant Art twice. Then on Sunday, once in the morning, she said she wanted to talk to me on MSN Messenger. More instant gratification I guess. She asked to use a cam, I had to say not now. I didn't have the software for it. It was at that point she broke up with me, not even three days. My happy place fell in on it self, I now had my normal hill of rubble in its place, I was content for that time being due to her explanation, one I suspected would come up and understood entirely. She said to me that she just ended the long relationship, she needed time. That she did and I would want some time too in her position. She said she was sorry. I said alright, it is no problem. I don't make a big deal out of stuff like that. But I unfortunately didn't know how far gone I was.

After

I was slowly but surely convincing myself that it wouldn't work. My depression became deeper, I was worried that I would never experience the happiness again. To this day, I have not. For the first two months, I dealt well. But I had some stress in life and some problems to work out in addition to that around two and a half months. This is where things fell for me most.
October-
I felt a slight depression but ignored it, I just worked on turning things to normal. We were like before in about a week. In that time, she said not a word about it to me other than that she would tell me when she was ready. I was a fool, not paying a mind to the fact she was not sure of herself. There were many signs that things may not work out. But my precognition was blocked by the situation.
November-
I was slowly becoming more sure I messed up. I finally began to realize that nothing I could do will change her mind. With that, came a fall. I no longer paid attention to life. I went to school. I went home. I lived, no more than that. I slept a lot more. I began to write, from this time came my best poetry. In this time, I picked up writing and drawing just because I can entertain myself with them while alone. It was just a wait.
December-
It began like November. Slowly growing more angry with the lost opportunity. I could not understand how it changed me. And worse still, I have no mental problems. This was all just me, falling apart due to circumstance. Then, with some other things going on I became overstressed. I found myself going to school, doing chores, and then doing nothing. Occasionally I would read, draw, or write. But I spent my time thinking. It is now how I spend much of my time. I retained that. Then, winter break. I had some fun playing around. Snow and all. Then I went to my dads. I got myself a long distance girlfriend. A liar, but I still thought it was all going to work. She distracted me, brought me up from pure depression to a point where I began doing activities again. But I couldn't get Kalee off my mind completely, not even slightly for a long time. I was talking to her, via an internet client, and I asked, “will I ever get my chance?” to which she said no. I was again crushed, still angry with myself. Not even her, I could not make myself angry at her. But at myself. Like this, 2008 ended.

The New Year-
With the coming of the new year I was about as black as I could get, even with my long distance girlfriend. I was torn by everything. This was when I began crying. I hate to admit it. Men do not cry like I did, evidently aside from me. I was rarely truly happy. During those times, I did not forget the anger, I was just distracted from it. For all of January, I felt no better about my situation. But I must have begun acting differently because my mother stopped questioning my dark mood. For a while, it was assumed I did drugs, which I have never done in my life. With the coming of March, I was feeling much better. Still not over her, but happy. Ryki's birthday came, she got and survived the operation that allowed her to have children. Though it is no matter to me as we never did meet face to face, and now cannot, for reasons unforeseen. It made me happy at the time. Then came my birth day, it was then I received my drum set, a great birthday gift. I have wanted one for a long time. By the end of the beginning of the year, the next crushing blow happened.

Up To Yesterday-
The crushing blow, though I didn't see it coming at first, was Brett stepping back in. Well f**k me! Months earlier she talked about how she couldn't stand him. Then, she was looking at his picture in the yearbook/graphic arts class, then she asked him if he would get together again. I have nothing against him, he is a great friend. But really? This whole situation brought back the anger, which has long since subsided. With this particular battle having been done, I moved on again, realizing it was a futile attempt. I am good, but not that good. I cannot do the impossible. I began to pursue a friend who I liked immensely. But as I pursued that, though she turned me down for someone else anyway, I found that I cannot love her. It is not possible. I still cannot function as I properly should. I have been forever changed in many ways by the experiences in this story, my story. I don't see how I can't capture the heart of someone I actually wish to. I am in no way perfect, as can be seen as you read. But, I am not a normal male ass and I respect women. I am not the most good looking, but I am in no way ugly. I am not the most talented, but I have my skills. Even mediocre, I stand out among many of the people here. I just don't see how things don't stack up and how it is I can accidentally get a girl to fall in love, from more than one hundred miles away, but not here. This is just rambling at this point, I ask for no pity. I was instructed to share my story, to write this all, by a dear friend of mine. I have done what was requested.

Today-
Today, I sit at a computer, typing up my own personal love story, like a movie with an unhappy ending. Today, I think back to these times. I see what has happened. How I have changed. What things I have done, great and foolish alike. I see how I loved kalee. I see how I still do. I see that things go as they will, I have no control. And I see that women are unpredictable. I will not ever understand any woman completely. I can only learn. I see that it is time to go to sleep, it is now early in the a.m.s. Thank you for reading.